i could drink bailey's like i used to drink shots of vodka. (i.e. like juice.)

sometimes you just have to believe that your life is like one of those trampoline acts at barnum and bailey's - that every time you fall you're going to bounce right back up. and that your highest jumps usually come from the hardest falls. i can't think of any bad situation i've been in that hasn't left me with something good. and i don't think that's because i'm one of those artificially happy people who sugarcoats everything and never feels bad. in fact, i'm a huge sap and i feel every little earthquake of life like it's the big one*. it's just that i have real faith that there is always something good to take from every experience and every person you meet, even if you have to dig for it or wait for it to reveal itself**.

reminding myself of this is helpful because i tend to be so ambivalent about (among many other things) change. i get bored and antsy and feel stuck easily, yet i'm sentimental over the stupidest little things and i hate the thought of never being able to have this exact moment/era back again. basically i haaate when things are over. endings feel so... ugh... permanent (illogical, right? if i'm not happy with change i should be happy with permanence. i make no sense, even to myself.) i think that's why i despise moving - the thought of never again returning to a place that has housed my life and colored my memories for ____ years makes me sad. well, that, and i hate packing with a fiery passion.

so, i know this sounds nuts, but i actually have to remind myself that it's pointless to fear starting new things just because i hate when they end. of course it's one thing to know something intellectually but it's another thing to really live by it (which i don't).

this has turned out to be more new agey and confusing than i'd planned. next time i promise to go back to more fun topics like jay-z and funny lookin' babies. :)

p.s. i'm so grateful for phones and internet and cars and planes, and y'all on the other end who make me laugh and think and be better. you know i'm always in your corner, too. ♥

p.p.s. loin, i'm so so glad to be caught up on each other's stuff. miss you!

*the actual big one IS coming, btw. hopefully it'll wait til the state's not broke. http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1858700,00.html
**this idea reminds of randy pausch's last lecture, where he talks about waiting for the good in people to come out, and not giving up on anyone. sometimes i like to go back and watch some of his lecture. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZbOQqtDAW0